Being Brave in March

So, I had to get this in before the end of the month. I found myself here at the end without doing anything really brave yet. And worse, I couldn’t think of anything. I didn’t audition for the new musical…but that’s another issue. And I can’t use the same brave thing over again (at what point does it quit being brave? When I stop feeling nauseous?)

                Instead I came up with something I could do quickly, but though it involves another person. And it has taken over a week to work myself up to actually do it.

               

I’m letting someone read a book I’ve written. (No one has read anything I wrote since high school, college if you count essays/reports, but either way it’s been a few years.)

                True, it’s easier knowing the person I’m letting read the story. But why have I waited so long? I write these blogs and send them out to the whole world for judgment. But they’re just quick thoughts or sort of diary bits. Mostly ideas that I want to hear another’s opinions. But putting these novels out there seems much scarier. It might be the nature of some of the stories, or that I actually have hopes of publishing them to make a little extra income. And yes, publishing means getting the ultimate judgment – between the reviews and waiting to see if anyone is willing to pay for them. In that case, I really need to have someone else read them. But, since I’ll be using another name, it feels easier to hide behind that other persona.

                But, no matter what, I trust she’ll be both honest and kind. I just have to send the file...ok...*deep breath*...press send.

SEND

How Well Do You Know?

Another year has passed since Dad passed. (And I thought it was great to see an Andy Griffith marathon going on today.) So I got Mom, and we went out for a day of shopping (we only bought 2 things!) and dinner at the Cracker Barrel - which is quickly becoming a tradition as it was his favorite restaurant/store and always wanted to go when going in for chemo.

               

The 2 of us had a great day together and talked about some new things that have come up. (nothing serious)  But after a recent, enlightening trip, I’ve begun wondering about the things I may have missed getting to know him. It’s no secret that I’ve always been closer to my mom than dad, but during that trip, I learned a few things that I never knew about her.

                ~Like the fact that she likes HAM radio (???).  At least I know someone she can talk to about it.

                ~She loves whale crackers from the Dollar General…I mean Loves them! (huh.) Something else in common.

~The idea that she wants to get a tattoo - even has a couple of ideas she’s been considering. (Who knew?) Maybe we can one together as a Mommy & me experience. ;P

There were a couple of others, but these were the fun ones.

So with all this learning, we come back to what today was. Discovering that even the people you think you know the best will surprise you with new things or ideas. I always wondered what a lot of my dad’s life was like – growing up the way he did, the physical struggles he had as an adult. Now I wonder what things he would have liked to do, why he only read 3 books in his life, what did his dream garden look like?...

                I’m sorry I won’t know, but I’m looking at the time I still have with Mom, family, my “other” family…even friends.  Because no matter how close you are, hopefully, there are still plenty of fun facts to discover about each other. And you never know how long you have to find them all out.

Bravery Update Along With an Ego Blow

I’ve already talked about feeling sorry for missing out on the chance at a favorite musical so I sucked it up and tried for a different show. Well, I didn’t get it. But that won’t knock me down, right?

Well, the theater group here in town, which I’ve already been in a couple of shows, is about to perform “The Diary of Anne Frank”. I auditioned for the show several months ago, but didn’t get a part. And no, that wasn’t as big of a brave moment to me since I’ve been somewhat involved with this group since moving back, and also trying for straight shows is not near as frightening  as musicals.

I didn’t get anything in that one either and didn’t think much of it. Though I was one of the few adults at the auditions. Until I was asked last week to help out with the set and props…

‘Of course!’ I said. I love most behind the scenes aspects as much as the onstage stuff. I attended tech meetings and started hunting up 40s era props and set pieces. And impressed the group with a couple of painting to be used outside the attic window saving them the cost of printing giant photos (which was the original plan).

Then, the blow came. When I arrived to help out during a rehearsal, I realized it wasn’t my age or shape that kept me out. But, hey, I’m sure they had more to offer the roles. Then, I heard that several of the cast were asked and begged to be in the show since the director had been so short of available actors.

Trust me; I understand the need for begging and calling in favors when not so many people show for auditions. I do, however, try to cast from the people who actually show up. To continue the pounding, it turned out that some of the original cast had to be replaced since there were “incidents” and no-shows so I got to hear from the director and the AD what a pain the show had been and how many connections they had to use to finally get the cast settled. well, poo.

By this point I’m starting to really wonder about my abilities and how many shows I’ve been in only because of lack of participants. And I was thinking of auditioning for this group’s summer musical, but now I’m doubting I will - which hurts so much. I feel I’m losing something I’ve loved and been obsessed with since I was a kid.

But I’m trying to put in a lot of hours at work and need to figure out some sort of extra income thing anyway. So maybe it’s better to just stick to helping backstage.