Being Brave in May

I’m going on a diet. I know that sounds like something I’ve said before, and it may not sound that brave. But here’s the deal, I’m announcing – where usually I’ve not shared the idea because hey, then if I fail, no one will notice. Also, I’m inviting and asking for help, ideas, support with this. When usually it’s a solo game, and I don’t really like help or people telling me what to do. In fact, I’ll usually do the opposite if I’m told what to do just to be stubborn (I heard that: pah! You say!) But I will try to stay open to anything that comes my way.

                So, 1^st issue is money, I can’t afford one of those plans where you pay an insane amount of money just for people to talk at you, weigh you then charge even more for the ‘planned meals’. The gym is also out for now – though I did get over my dislike of the one I tried, I know not all places are the same, & I just can’t justify it right now. And one of those ‘shake diets’ tried to kill my mom so let’s just stay away from all those shakes and pills that do more harm than good.

                Nope, this is going to take old fashioned work & will power – damn it! :p And a couple of visits with a personal trainer to work out a plan (which I did justify because I decided I would need some professional help to start and shockingly, was cheaper than a gym membership.)

                The 1^st plan of attack will be tracking everything in and everything out (ew, I know) and everything I’m doing physically. I had an app. on my phone, but it takes too long to load each time I open it, so it quickly got ignored. I tried a notebook, and that may have worked before my life was on a smartphone but now I just forget about it. Besides, I like the subtly of only pulling out my phone to keep track. (Try pulling out a little notebook throughout the day and see how many people question it.) Nobody cares what you’re doing with your phone. So I created my own tracking system on my phone, it may not make sense to anyone else, but it’s not for them. It’s also the same method I’ve been using for my budget every day and when I go on trips. It’s helped a lot, and I’m already used to using it so I have high hopes.

                Anyway, recently I’ve had a couple of big wake up calls (and a couple more smaller ones) – it’s time for change and change scares the hell out of me. I need help (it’s the 1^st step, right?) So I’m being brave – I’m starting a new lifestyle.

Being Brave in April

Ok, before I write about my brave April moment, I have a question: what happened to April? I mean, I remember the 1^st day of Spring, then suddenly I saw it was May Day. I seemed to have lost some time in the middle there somewhere.

One moment I do remember in the middle somewhere, when I stood up for myself at work. There has been a particular client who has been very troublesome for all of the caregivers. The client is verbally and now physically violent. After a very bad incident, a night of ducking thrown objects, an hour of being threatened by a hidden gun and listening to prayers to god for my death, I decided I had had enough and spoke with the office. They were able to cut me down to only once a week with the interesting person. It seemed to alright. The hardest bit was always putting up with the insanity for 12 hours only to go home, sleep and turn around to do it all over again. It was easier knowing I’d have a break between.

Or so I thought, the very next week took an even worse turn. I called the office and informed them I would not be stepping foot back into that house.

The last time I tried to stand up for myself at work, actually, I don’t remember the last time. Even when I’ve quit jobs, I think and stress over it for days before taking the plunge. The idea of it makes me sick. I’d say I’ve never raised my voice or gotten in someone’s face before, but anyone who attended certain community theater meetings knows better. ;D But in those cases it was really acted out of passion, I didn’t go into the events with the plan of being confrontational.

In this case, I had time to think and still quit, but wasn’t allowed. After a half-hour discussion, I did refuse to put myself in danger any longer and was rewarded with 2 new clients. So my moments of bravery actually came out to be a real benefit. While on the same roll, I even threw out some comments to hopefully help the other caregivers. Because even if all this helps my personal situation, the overall problem still exists. So maybe some things will change to make life better for my co-workers and even the client.