On the day I posted my last blog, I read a new post by The
Blasphemous Homemaker (go check her out!)
Apparently, she has a friend with depression who was honest
and had posted on Facebook about what was going on in his life. But FB being
what it is, he apparently was immediately bombarded with support, advice and
criticism. (really?!) Sadly, the poor gentleman isn’t the only one who’s heard
a lot of these responses.
So I’m latching onto her post and continuing on with my own
‘shit you don’t say to a depressed person’.
But 1st, I do have to say, I loved that she
changed ‘depression’ to ‘arthritis’ to make a point that it seems to be a common
attitude for most people to think of depression as something you can ‘just get
over if you want to’ vs. the disease that it is.
On that note, sunrises, funny movies or any other ‘happy’
activity is not a cure. Yes, I feel inspired spending time with nature and
would much rather watch a Seth Rogen movie than a Tarantino thing. Once over,
though, the world comes crashing back –maybe it’s why I get way into movies and
plays.
But like so many tv shows or lifetime movies present,
getting cheered up will lead to happiness and once the person laughs, it will
all be fine again – roll credits. No, I liken my issue to a rollercoaster where
I can be up for a while but almost immediately fly down again.
Almost insulting is the advice that prayer, going to church
or turning to Jesus will cure me. We’ll just keep moving past that one.
A great one: it could be worse. Yes, thank you – life can
always get worse. Now I’ll dwell on that for a few days. Or maybe, of course,
things could be worse, what the hell am I bitching about, thanks, I’m better
now! (Sarcasm just doesn’t work being typed out.)
Alright, I’m stopping there. I just wanted to draw a little
attention to the other blog and the issue.
I’m not sure what the right answers are to all of these, but
I know I feel better just knowing that there are people near me (though maybe
not physically) that are just supportive and loving. I try to hang on to the
feeling I get from them.
I can relate on a couple of levels. I totally agree that switching it to arthritis gives you a better idea of what it's like to the person who is suffering. It seems like these illnesses that you can't see by looking at the person are minimized in some way.
ReplyDeleteAlthough slightly different, I can also relate to my recent experience with infertility. Commonly people will say things like, "You should stop stressing about it and let it happen," or "Have you thought about adoption?" Neither of which is actually helpful in any way.
I always try to remember that in general, these people mean well. I wouldn't have known what to say to an infertile person before I was one, and even now it can be awkward or overly personal.
I think blogs like this are one way to try and open people's eyes that illness is not always visible, and there's never an easy fix. If there was, far fewer people would be suffering.
Hang in there.
I was actually thinking of you when I was writing this and some of the conversations we've had.
ReplyDeleteI do try to keep in mind the intentions behind what people are saying. Though I did hear another one for the list: "I was depressed once, too, but it didn't last long." And followed by something like shopping or a relaxing day to help. This one seems to be a nice combo of both- trying to sympathize and a complete lack of understanding of the difference between 'feeling down' and 'complete hopelessness'.
You've been one of the supportive ones. Thanks